regret.

There has not been a single paper that has not made me freeze up during the exam itself. Today was no exception. Biology paper 1. The bar was just raised again. Challenging, just what you’d expect from CIE. I feel really dumb, and I honestly feel like kicking myself for not preparing more by doing AQA. (That I’ll definitely do for Chem now.) And I tell myself I want A*s. I wish. From today til Monday, I’ll be doing Chem like a total nerd, no distractions. I don’t want any.

Aside that, there’s still uni applications to sort out, which I haven’t been succeeding in doing. I have tried to write my personal statement, but I end up staring at a blank page in dismay. I have yet to find out about the Edinburgh award. I have yet to apply for UKCAT and IELTS. Must do soooon! And I just recall I’m attending a Chemistry contest and the Australian Math Competition in July and August. I hope I do well. :D

On the other hand, a Gaga Glee episode made me really happy. :) That, and latin dance class. Finally something fun like the samba, not like the rest weren’t fun. :P This is just challenging. I like challenge. :) Heeh. Ismail, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. That’s for ditching me during the exams. :P I’m hoping this will totally come in handy in casual dancing in dance clubs or anything of that sort. Haha. One day, latin class needs to recorded. For the fun of it.

*This is totally random, but I like guys that dance. It’s just such a turn on. Lmao. Mock me.*

I’ll just try my best to put everything behind me, and do the papers ahead of me the best I can. I just wish the papers would be more do-able. Ugh.

A string of continuous study will do me much good. I’ve told myself I’d do it, and I will. :) Starting tomorrow, no more complaining and regretting. YOU, need to get out of my head so I can concentrate. Lol. Then again, I can’t concentrate either way. Oh wells.

Nerd out! :D

*Must choreograph solo for UNDP audition!

of bad days, or weeks.

I feel very troubled. Tears are welling up in my throat now. Its been a rather bad week I guess, but I’m just glad there were people to lift my spirits all the time. I swear, I don’t deserve anything that you guys have been doing for me. Sigh. I was happy today during college and all, but now, I just feel like crap. I guess I deserve it anyway. :)

I always mess up everything and I’m sorry I do.

I hate shoving my problems onto anyone. There’s where the blog comes in handy. I don’t trouble anyone this way. Thank goodness. :)

airplanes.

Airplanes - B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams
Dancing starts at 1:20.
Katee and Twitch. LOVE. :D

Hayley:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

B.o.B:
Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying, the smashin' and crashin'
And all the glips and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin' at that phone in your lap
And you hopin' but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance
So airplane, airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that, then I switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Hayley:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

B.o.B:
Yeah, yeah
Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job
Before I got payed
Before it ever matter what I had in my bank
Yeah, back when I was tryin' to get a tip at Subway
And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
But now a days we rappin' to stay relevant
I'm guessin' that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes, then maybe oh maybe I'd go back to the days
Before the politics that we called a rap game
And back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for Decatur what's up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish, to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes


Hayley:
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

B.o.B
I could really use a wish right now
I, I, I could really use a wish right now
Like, like, like shooting stars
I, I, I could, I could really use a wish right now
A wish, a wish right now.

theft.

It’s never been so scary. I’ve been shaking for hours, trying to figure out exactly what happened, and how it happened and why. Even while writing this, I’m shaking all over. Tears welled up in my throat. I feel like crying but I don’t want mom to worry. I reacted fast enough, but not fast enough to stop him completely. I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to hug - anything.

It was raining. I was in the car, and I saw him walking towards the car. I did. I just didn’t think he’d punch the window and grab my mom’s bag. Even then, I keep thinking, if I pulled hard enough, I would have stopped him from taking the bag altogether. I was just so stoned at that time. And it was like every ounce of my energy had just left me. I did run after him. But my mom stopped me before I could grab him, that I nearly did. All I remember is that he was Malay, thin, black jacket, orange shirt, messy hair.

Everything is my fault. If I had just pulled the bag with as much energy as I slap people. If I just could remember more about the guy’s face. If I had just been able to react quicker and taken the bag even before he grabbed it. I know yes, there’s the possibility he might hit me with the same thing he used to bash the window. But I could have tried. I could have.

It’s times like these where I just thank God my mom is safe. I’m so grateful. I’m just so thankful for all the friends I have too. Even those I’ve just made. They’ve been such a big help, and I’d never known what would’ve happened if I didn’t meet them. I don’t want to think about it at all. I just don’t. Thanks Chung Wye. :)

I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it from happening.

I keep telling everyone I’m alright. But after today, can I really be alright?

50 facts about me.

1. I love hugs.

2. I am a Banana. I can't speak a single string of Chinese, even if I was forced to. I can repeat after someone says it though. I think.

3. I love purple.

4. I have known Sugeeta and Megan for 12 years. And they are both my bestest buddies in the whole world.

5. I used to play piano, do gymnastics and swim competitively. Now, I mostly just dance.

6. I hate people who pretend to know me when they have no clue what I've been through.

7. I was once a nerdy little kid with round glasses and buck teeth.

8. I lose my stationery periodically over the span of a term, and end up using Sugeeta's stationery alot.

9. I've always wanted to try out for a show like So You Think You Can Dance or something, just to see if I'm really as good as people say.

10. I am a really terrible self-critic. I never think I do a good enough job for anything, thus I'm a perfectionist.

11. I love food. I am an enormous eater. I just love food. :D

12. I hate onions, garlic, spring onions, ginger, bitter gourd, raddish, carrots and pumpkin.

13. I am slightly anemic.

14. I am literally a pain-magnet. My body was never built for sports. I have an injury in my right knee, left ankle and lower back.

15. The first celebrity guy I liked was Matt Bomer.

16. I sometimes cry myself to sleep.

17. I read and watch Naruto. Bite me.

18. I like photoshopping in my freetime.

19. I know how to play DOTA.

20. I have managed to master every single dance style I come across, except hip-hop.

21. I hated dancing as a child.

22. I can beat Reza up easily. :D

23. I have been in Cempaka all my life, but I moved to Tanarata International School in Year 11.

24. I did my final year of high-school in a class with two people - me and Reza.

25. I am very bad at prioritising.

26. I somehow feel very little pressure due to exams nowadays.

27. I wanted to grow up to be an artist when I was 8.

28. If I had a choice, I'd pick to minor in dance when I go to university and do my VetScience course.

29. I am a bit anti-social.

30. People say I look like bambi, but I fail to see the relationship.

31. Jeanine Mason, Chelsea Thedinga, Katee Shean and Shizu Yasuda have been my dance inspirations like since forever.

32. I have only started tweeting due to peer pressure.

33. I read fan-fiction, sometimes.

34. I cannot read through Pride and Prejudice. Don't curse me for not appreciating literature, its just too hard to read.

35. Sometimes, I think that I should be a man. I enjoy hitting people, fixing things and carrying stuff.

36. I like musicals. And I have only ever been in one Cempaka Musical Production; Witches of Oz.

37. I have a really high pain threshold.

38. But in any other case, I cannot stand needles being poked into me.

39. I hate going to the hospital and I cannot donate blood.

40. I nearly underwent surgery once for a cyst removal. I cried.

41. I've only been hospitalized once, when I had a terrible stomach ache during Cempaka's Debate competition.

42. I don't like taking medication.

43. I rarely take credit for anything I do. I'm always a background worker.

44. My all time favourite song is You and I Collide by Howie Day.

45. I think Lady Gaga is really creative, but weird.

46. I hate it when I have a crush on a guy best friend.

47. I wish I'd be more grateful for everything I have.

48. Sometimes I stare at the moon, and hope that the person I like is staring at it too.

49. I am easily jealous of people who are so much better at what I do than I am.

50. I'm competitive. And I hate that about myself.

mother's day.

I just made mummy a card.

Of course I didn't come up with it on my own.
Here's my inspiration. :)



I'm a good copycat. :)

gloom.

You know what it feels like when its the middle of the night and you get a text that just sends you into depression?
It hurts.
It hurts.

Did you really have to do that?
Do you really not care?

Forget it.
I guess sometimes, moving on is all I can do.
And that I shall.
Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
I'll always be fine.

the past.

Since everyone is so emo lately, I decided to take a little walk down memory lane too.
it was .. nostalgic.

the times when cempaka swimming club was so integrated.
i miss it.

the days when i used to swim so fast.
This was when I managed to my first relay meet record by the way. XD

wining msss swimming 2008.
we got into the papers too! :D

messing during sports excel. :')

the two goons *out of a six others* in year 10.

year 10 @ cempaka.
:):):)

presidents cup 2008.
tania and i.

harimau's victory after 14 years of losing swimming gala.
we pwn yo. :D

cheer 2008. i was captain then.
we did awesome. :)

tawan cruises challenge '09.
I totally miss those times at the super awesome villa in Phuket.

dancing during class. :)

life saving course!
sunnies ftw!

phillea home visit.
haha. this was during role playing.
meet Ka Shing, Grumpy the dwarf. :P

us being crazy during orientation party.

LOVED IT.

Looking at everything makes me miss it even more.
All those times, all those memories, that just make me happy to still be alive.
It reminds me, that time waits for no one.

College will end soon, and I just fear I'll regret not doing the things I wanted to do, but didn't because I wasn't brave enough.
I won't let that happen.
:)

time after time;

elegance.

I've been dancing and studying my ass off for the past few days, and have been trying my utmost best not to look half dead on campus. Unfortunately, that's just not working out for me. Damn.

I've been listening to loads of classics recently.
(and dancing to them)
They calm my poor nerves and destress me. :)

quote.

My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there.

INDIRA GHANDI

xx

I saw this on BBC today, and I totally agree. And unfortunately, I too belong to the first group. I'm not sure, I was never really a person to stand up to take credit for something I did, even if I do grumble deep down about not receiving any. I'm always the person standing backstage, smiling and clapping along when someone praised the finished piece of work, crediting the leader of the project/group etc. Nope, I've never been really one to demand for credit. I'm more of the type who just wants to do what she wants to do. :D

I've always loved being a worker, I guess I just like doing work. :)

However, lately, it just hurts more and more this happens. But I guess, I'll always be the 'good worker', it is what I'm good at doing anyway.

explosions in the sky;

dear john.

I finally watched it.
I don't care what everyone says, I loved it.
Haven't seen a good tearjerker like that in a REALLY long time.

Aside the fact that Channing Tatum is in this movie, I loved the soundtrack, the acting, the setting and everything else. I'm not a really big fan of Amanda Seyfried, but she really acted so well as Savannah.

Really sweet even if it was sad too. :)
*thumbs up!*









dear john;

bone bites.

Dr. Sweets
Bones

Do you think he was killed for his guitar?
All we know is that he was killed WITH his guitar.
With a 57 Gibson Les Paul?
That's like whacking someone with the Mona Lisa.

Heeh. My favourite line from the whole episode.
I guess its funnier if you watch it though.

Bones; 5x19 - The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle