the third semester.

So, its finally the final six month stretch of my entire A Levels course. The most hectic stretch, and the most important. And, to tell the truth, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. What if nothing ends up the way I want it to be? Its every night for the past two nights that I feel like curling up in my bed and crying because I fear of what might happen.

The university applications. Work experience. Jog for Hope. Editorial board. IELTS. UKCAT. UNDP Dance. Ballet exams. Modern exams. A2.

There's just so much to be done, and no time to do them. And somehow only you can calm me down.

Seeing you and spending time with you makes me happy, it makes me smile genuinely even if its for a brief period of time. I know I'm mean most of the times, but I like it when you sulk and make me apologize profusely. :) I like all the times I spend with you, especially after a long day of studying. I wish you'd know how much you meant to me.

Gosh, its so hard to blog when all I think about is you. :P

grad ball commitee dinner.

Finally, the last bit to everything, wrapping up grad ball. :)

Dinner @ Alexis, BSC
+
Dessert @ Tutti Frutti

I went of course, and I must say, I had a good time. Miss D was present too. :) So I shall not bore you with long essays and blogposts, and just move on to the pictures. All courtesy of Arthur Chia.

Ah. Nice pictures. :)
I must say, organising and planning the event was fun, and it was a pleasure working with all of you. :D

grad ball + toy story.

I’m glad that Grad Ball is finally over, I mean, the journey there was stressful and tough, and I’m glad it turned out pretty well too.

Me and Youlin had our hair and make up done at 4ish, and the make up artist really did go all out on me with the make up. She even shaved my eyebrows, so my eyebrows look funky now. Lol. First time that’s ever happened to me. And when I looked at myself in the mirror, it really didn’t feel that I was looking at myself. I looked like a girl, like for once. Like, super dolled up.
I laughed. :P

I definitely had fun that night, despite the back pains. And I guess, as usual, dancing was the best part of it. I had the opportunity to usher the VIPs into the hall, dancing in front of them to Youlin’s violin piece, before going into a tango-ish sequence with Azril. I fumbled a good bit, but I’m glad everyone liked it. :)

The rest of the night went by well too. I sat with Chung Wye, Victor, Choon Lim, Zhen Howe and the gang, and our table was super happening. LOL. It was just a good night, something I can’t really put into words. The main point is, I did have fun. Especially the dancing afterwards. :P I stayed over at a friend’s place, my friend was totally accommodating. Although I couldn’t really sleep well cause my back was hurting, I was pleasantly surprised that night.

Okay, so, here’s a picture roll. :)


group shot. :D kah mun's such a hottie.


slow dancing. i was laughing. lol. :P


performance with azril. :)


my intake people + the graduating intake people.


ushering of VIPs.


me and mr tcsh. I will be taller than him one day. XP


me and yan leng, the awesome photographer. :)


me and kah mun. :D


me and youlin. :) :) :)


pay close attention to the background. :P

me, chung wye and kah mun. teehee.

And after that, I had an even better time. Quality time with Kah Mun + someone. :D



I woke up nice and early at 7 the next morning. I had a pretty good morning despite that anyway. :) :) And after that, I left with Chung Wye and Victor to 1 U to eat lunch and watch Toy Story 3. Toy Story 3 was amazing, even if we were packed into a whole theater of little kids. I nearly cried, it was touching in the end. :( But the mood was totally ruined with the “Oh, Romeo, Romeo” bit at the ending credits. And then after chilling at Coffee Beans for a while, I went back home. I had a good two days.

It was awesome. :D

gladioli.

This post is dedicated to my current favourite flower, the gladiolus.
Yes, after visiting the florist today, I've totally seen all the flowers and all the possible flowers for my future wedding, or something like that. :P

I know I'm completely weird and insane, but hey, that's Isabelle for you. :D

I love the colours that the gladiolus comes in.


And this is just going to be a picture roll of the best shots. :)








And this, is just so heartwarming. :D

Love the purples. :)

*I opened a dozen tabs of pictures to choose my favourite ones.

I love them. :P
Okay, Isabelle's not mad, just a bit loony.
(This is one of the only times my girly side shows. XP Appreciate it.)

the oil spill.

Honestly, I am so sickened by the oil spill damage on the wildlife at the Gulf of Mexico. I know BP is trying to rectify it, but there has to be a price to pay for this.

It's sad how oil to us will be like another mucky coat on our skin, but to them, its deadly, lethal because they can't breathe, can't swim and can't fly. It's depressing really, and its sad how it's damaging to the wildlife and not us. If given a day in their shoes, I might just commit suicide being human to know what pain we caused them. :(

And I know rambling here won't make a difference, but I hope and pray really hard this episode will all be over in a while. Please.

dance stills.

This is a break from the emo-ness.
This makes me happy. :D

All courtesy of my sister and the Tanarata dance studios.

of better and worse.

Me messing in the Tanarata studios.

The past few days have been extremely terrible. I really thought I could keep my composure, at least for the rest of the week so I could break down during the weekends when my parents and sister leave to Teluk Intan and I'm alone. But I guess that didn't work out. I can't tell if its the stress, of the messing up of exams, or my education or the fact that I'm completely confused about you.

But really, I thank goodness that I have friends that are ever ready to help me all the time. You guys know who you are. And I'm so grateful because even if I barely know some of you guys at all, you still jump in to help me when I need it the most.

I think Thursday was the day I really dipped. I couldn't keep smiling, couldn't keep pretending everything was okay, and I just couldn't hold everything in myself. And there and then, in front of the VERY person I didn't want to be seen that way, I just broke down into sobs. And even then, it took so much effort to retain the tears that just wouldn't stop. I tried, I did try to be brave and ignore the truth, but I couldn't. It was just way too hard.

And that wasn't it. It happened twice, in the same hour. Suddenly, I just felt myself crashing down, dying inside. I'd finally given in to everything then. My head and heart were hurting. And it did get a bit better, until I left college and everything seemed to sink in again. Even my immune system decided to fail alongside my body. But I guess I did a good job in pretending I was fine for the rest of the day.

It didn't get much better on Friday. The fact I lacked food and sleep just tore me down. I started off smiling and studying normally though. Although that didn't last for more than two hours because I was completely in tears then. Again. I didn't understand why everything was happening to me. I did try to stop crying. I just wished it worked. I wished I could show everyone who was there with me that their presence did help me. It did. But I just couldn't.

I managed smiling though. Once in a while. And even after that, I wasn't much better. I slept because I was in so much pain and I couldn't study. And all the time I wished for someone to be there to hug me until the pain went away. Not that I was brave enough to ask for a hug.

LOL. These emo posts must stop. But I never did want to tell everyone the full story, because I didn't want anyone else to be bogged down with my crap, and that I couldn't ever bring myself to. Sometimes things are just best left to me. But now, at least after blogging, I feel more at ease knowing I've expressed myself here. At least. :)

a good paper.

Today is the first day I came out of the exam hall and felt like I actually everything right. I feel kinda happy with myself, and its good that I have less a paper to fear now. :) Chemistry paper 2 was indeed something I feared, and I’m glad its over. Other than the stupid careless mistake of the catalyst for a reaction, I think everything else was right. Thank goodness I did the GCE past years and did the organic chemistry bit in the paper today. :P Thumbs up for being a nerd!

And now, I’m at home, listening to a really mixed playlist of my current favourite stuff. I don’t think I’ll be sick of these songs any time soon. :P

1. Beautiful Day - Lee DeWyze
2. Falling Slowly - Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze
3. Halfway Gone - Lifehouse
4. If You’re Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield
5. You’ll Always Be My Baby - David Cook
6. Beth - Glee Cast
7. Airplanes (Cover) - Cathy Nyugen
8. Dream with My Eyes Open - Alex Lambert
9. Bad Romance - Glee Cast
10. All In - Lifehouse
11. Every Breath - Boyce Avenue
12. In Your Skin - Lifehouse

Okay, so there is a reason why its mostly full of Lifehouse songs. I just downloaded their Smoke & Mirrors album from a webbie online. And I’m loving it. No doubt Lifehouse is one of my favourite bands next to Coldplay, Paramore and AAR.


And oh! There’s this thing I tried photoshopping a while back, which I just found today. :P It’s a black cat. No reference, which probably explains why its a bit cacat. I shall finish this one day. I promise. :D

And yet, under this smile masked on my face, deep inside me, I’m still confused and hurting. I think the need for me to punch someone is just so strong, and I can’t help but feel like giving up. Honestly, I don’t even know what is holding me back from giving up, but I know that as much as I try to give up, a small part of me doesn’t want to let go. And that’s what bugs me, because it pains me to be like this; and yet, there is NOTHING I can do about it but wait.

*My internet was not working yesterday, which explains why this blogpost was only posted now. :P